New Rules

Rule #1: Do not allow guests to talk you into doing shots before you've finished your supper.
Rule #2: Do not consume shots that look and smell like cheap strawberry-flavored soda (aka "Red Pop"), even though you LOVE said soda.
Rule #3: Remember Rule #2 after your guests tell you the name of the shot is the "Cherry Bomb" and it "tastes just like cheap red soda."
Rule #4: Do not sit in the corner chair on the veranda when drinking with said guests; this makes it difficult to escape.
Rule #5: Do not think for a second that the delicious apple spice cake with cream cheese frosting you made for said guests will be appreciated; you have probably already ignored Rules 1-4.
Rule #6: Do not litter the veranda table with six or even seven bottles of wine, too many airplane bottles of liquor, beer cans and Red Bull cans, and cocktail glasses; it's just a big mess you'll curse about under your breath the next morning.
Rule #7: Just because you went to bed at midnight doesn't mean it was an early night. You forgot to take two aspirin before bed.
Rule #8: Remember that the neighbors might not enjoy your vintage Rolling Stones on vinyl.
Rule #9: Do not attempt to continue walking/wearing the cute shoes you started out with at the beginning of the night; since you've ignored all of these rules, you are too drunk to wear shoes, much less walk around unassisted.
Rule #10: Resist the urge to "Drunk Dial" anyone, including your siblings who have called to share their fun times with you many many nights.
Rule #11: Remember that strong, hot coffee is a great remedy to a hangover. If that doesn't work, just go back to bed for an hour.

Remember these rules, friends. I've lived through NOT following them, so please, trust me on this one.