Friday, February 25, 2011

The (Kinda) Young & The (Winter Blues-Induced) Restless

Have you ever felt that your life is constantly on the precipice? And you can never tell if its a precipice of peril or great things? UGH.

I've had this feeling for awhile now, and its such a struggle to maintain optimism.
I feel stalled.
I feel like a wallflower.
I feel like I deserve some positive attention, some good conversation, some fun.

I feel like I should be paid attention to, rather than just assumed. (Does that make sense?)

I have tried to do the things that I've always done to ward off these feelings. I mean, I'm re-reading what I've just wrote and it sounds like I'm a whiny, self-centered prima donna.

But I'm not, I swear.

So, the question is: What do you do to get out of a slump? Where do you turn to when your go-to plan seems to have got up and went?
This is so much a part of my life, this quest for knowledge, for understanding, for clarity. And I know that so much of life simply cannot be about clarity, that it must be muddied and dirty and leave you feeling like you need a hot shower. I am that smart.
And yet...
...yet. I cannot help longing for the day when things will just "click," and I'll be the person I see in my magazine-layout fantasies: dressed in designer clothes, lounging on high-end furniture, sipping vodka gimlets and laughing with similarly clad friends as we recount our latest trip to Milan ("Oh, do you remember the look on Gianni's face when you told him you thought he was too effeminate?" "Ha! Yes! It was like a dagger to the poor dear's heart!" "Well, he should know that's what people are thinking when he wears a fringed scarf with that silk shirt opened to his waist." "I know. And its not like he has the physique of a rugby player!" "Tru dat.").
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to buy a lottery ticket (I'm still hopeful!), use up that jewelry store gift certificate (Sparkly is uplifting!), and pick up those killer jeans at the boutique (A good looking ass goes a long way in boosting a gal's spirits!).
Have a great weekend.

1 comment:

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