Friday, March 11, 2011

Today I Feel...

...discouraged. *sad face*

I know, I know, I know. I'm really trying to be optimistic about everything lately, but this one thing has got me down. And I feel a bit foolish for admitting to what constitutes vanity: I feel fat today.


There, I said it. You're probably asking yourself, "What? Did she gain 100 pounds lately? Did she stop running marathons and turn into a schlump?" No, on both counts. I have been training for my Spring marathon , and I've been eating only healthy foods with minor indulgences (like, the can of Coca Cola I downed in 2.4 seconds yesterday afternoon). But I still feel icky. Bloated. Too big to be considered fit. Unattractive. Regretting my haircut. Like a poser.

This will pass, I know. I know.

I will change into my running clothes after this is posted, run a good six miles or so, and the endorphins and attitude will sweep those thoughts away like dried up leaves on the sidewalk. The sun will shine. I will take a shower. I will reconsider purchasing diet pills and Slim-Fast at Walgreen's. I will feel confident and pretty, and remind myself that a very large percentage of people are so much worse off than I am: so dormant, so uninspired that similar feelings last all day for them. Every day, even.

But for right now, I am left thinking, "What am I doing wrong?!" I exercise. I eat healthily. I get plenty of sleep. The number on the scale goes nowhere. I don't think I'm overweight, per se, but if I could just drop ten pounds or so (or, better yet, the 10% of my body weight that They say will help stave off a buffet of diseases), I'd feel like I'm doing better. Like I have accomplished something. I can hear you muttering, "What?! Because running two or more marathons every year isn't enough under the accomplishments belt? Sheesh."

Let me have my insecurity with this one thing. Just for now, okay? Like I said, it'll pass. I'm just hoping that it'll take those last ten pounds with it.

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